Monday, 26 January 2015
Sunday, 25 January 2015
Jokes
Three Fastest Means of communication
first: Tele-Phone
second: Tele-Vision
third: Tell-a-women
Need still faster?
Easy! Tell her just not to tell anyone. face-smile.png
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JOKES
There was a very old Man Who was lying upstairs, dying.
Little jackie meat in and said "Hi Grandpa"
"Hi little sweetie" I Said. "tell me, Grandmas Are Those Extra special cookies I smell?"
"Yes," Jackie replied.
"Do you think you can sneak downstairs and get a couple for me?"
"Sure" Jackie replied
In a few minutes, Little Jackie meat back with a frown on His face.
Grandpa Asked, "What's wrong?"
"Grandma would not let me Have any; she says They are for after the funeral.
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Jokes
Good Friends;
Real friends are Those Who care without hesitation,
WHO remember you without limitation,
WHO trustful without suspicion,
WHO and love even without communication.
..............
Fake friends;
Laugh / mad on you without Real Reasons,
UNLESS They never remember you need / use you,
never around When you need them.
..............
So be careful how to choose your friends
and how to plan your future.
Good Luck.
Jokes
They are: mom, When I was on the bus with my father esta morning, I dumped me two give up my seat 2 a lady.
Mother: Well, You Have done the right thing are.
They are: But mother, I was sitting on my father's lap.
Mother: What !!! ??
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Jokes
Never miss an opportunity to say "I love you" to someone you really really like Directly or Indirectly say it, coz it is not everyday you will meet the person Who has the magic power to let you fall in love with.
Good luck with finding the right person.
Jokes
Exams are like girl friends
- Difficult 2 Understand
- Too many questions
- Explanations are more needed
And most of it the results are time failure ...
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Jokes
Finding you was not easy at all
but it sure was worth the search!
Finally something worth it!
Love You!
Jokes
Birdy birdy in the sky
Dropped a poopy in my eyes,
I do not worry I do not cry
That I am just happy cows do not fly!
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Jokes
Girl before finding her Love:
Should I love me more & more everyday
Should've never let me sad
Should I always Understand me
I Should be perfect !!
.
After finding her boyfriend:
Unconditional So what if I is not loving me, I understand & love him anyway
So what if I have is: sometimes makes me sad, That is ok, still have is the best for me!
So what if I is not fully understanding me, I will understand him
So what if I is not perfect, I am not perfect too! face-smile.png
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Friday, 23 January 2015
Jokes
Were Three women trapped on an island. They needed to get across the water to the mainland. They came across a genie Who Said, "I will grant you three wishes ladies." The first woman Said, "Turn me into a fish" and she swam across the water to the other island. The second woman Said, "Give me a boat" and she rowed to the other side. The third woman Said, "Turn me into a man" and she Walked across the bridge.
Jokes
A woman answered the doorbell with a man standing on her porch. The Man Said, "I'm terribly sorry. I just ran over your cat and I would like to replace it for you." The woman replied, "Well that's alright with me, but how are you at catching mice?"
Jokes
A blonde walks into a shoe store and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" ASKs the salesclerk. "Well, They feel a bit tight," replies the blonde. The clerk bends down and have a look at the shoes on the blonde's feet. "Try pulling the tongue out," offers the clerk. "Nath, theyth sthill feelth to bith tighth," the blonde replies.
Jokes
An American tourist walks out of a Mexican train station When I notices I is not wearing His watch. A Mexican man is resting under a hat under a nearby tree. The Mexican and American Approaches the ASKs, "Excuse me, do you know what time is?" The Mexican looks at the donkey, grabs ITS balls, and replies, "4:30." The American ASKs, "How do you know that?" The Mexican replies, "Well you get a handful of the donkeys balls and lift them up so you can see That clock across the street."
Jokes
One day in the forest, 3 guys Were just hiking along a trail When all of a sudden, a huge pack of Indians attaked them and knocked them out. When They woke up, They Were at the leader of the tribe's throne. The chief then a Said, "All of your lives May be spared if you can find ten of one fruit and bring them back to me." So after a while the first man returned With 10 apples. The cheif then a ordered him to stick all ten of them up His butt without making any expression at all on His face. I had a little bit of trouble with the first one and started crying while trying to put the next one in. He was soon killed. Later, the next guy meat in with 10 grapes. The cheif soon ordered him to do the same as the first guy. After to the 9th grape, the man started laughing so hard for no reason apperant, and was killed. The first two guys soon met in heaven and the first guy ask the second, "Why did you start laughing? You only needed one more grape and'd Have you gotten away!" The second guy answered while still laughing, "I could not help it. I saw the third guy walking in with pineapples."
Jokes
You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is another galloping horse but your horse is Unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you. What must you do to safely get out of esta highly dangerous situation? Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round!
Jokes
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing With His new electric train in the living room. She Heard the train stop and her son Said, "All of you sons of bitches WHO want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches Who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks. "The mother Went nuts and Told her son, "We do not use That kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you May play With your train, but I want you to use nice language. "Two hours later, the are comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with His train. Soon the train stopped and the mother Heard her son say, "All Passengers Who are disembarking from the train, por favor remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon. "She hears the little boy continue, "For Those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have any available pleasant and relaxing Journey With us today. "As the mother Began to smile, the child added, "For Those of You Who are pissed off about the two hour delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."
Jokes
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework"
Jokes
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer ASKs a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $ 125,000 a year, Depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a network Corvette? "The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
Jokes
A child Asked His Father, "How Were people born?" So His Father Said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then a Became Their babies and adults made babies, and so on." The child then a Went To His mother, Asked her the same question and She Told him, "We were monkeys then a we evolved to Become like we are now." The child ran back to His Father and Said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking acerca her side of the family."
Jokes
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework"
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Thursday, 22 January 2015
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English Jokes
And Iam not there to see;
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me.
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today;
While thinking of the many things
We didn't get to say.
Romantic
Mana Kay Tumhein Mujhse zyda Gham Hoga,
Magar Rone Se Yeh Gham Kabhi Na Kam Hoga,
Jeet Hi Lenge Dil Ki Nakam Baaziyan Hum,
Agar Mohabbat Mein Hamari Dam Hoga.
English Jokes
A frustrated husband in front of his laptop:
dear google, please do not behave like my wife...
Please allow me to complete my sentence before you start guessing & suggesting
English Jokes
why Girls Live Longer than Boys ?? Studies Have Proved That "Shopping" never Cause HEART ATTACKS But, "PAYING the bills" does.
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APPLY FOR LOAN AGAIN
In 1980, IDBI bank rejected loan for Mukesh Ambani(world's richest man)
In 2008, Mukesh Ambani decided to buy IDBI bank
This shows that nothing is impossible
Now in 2009, Citi bank rejected loan for me
But in 2020, I'm planning to...
Apply 4 loan again
Always drink boiled water
Always drink boiled water..??
.
.
Because..
.
.
.
.
Fish and Frog live in water
.
.
.
With out "Pampers"
Seriously..,...:-)
Why American names are like?
Why American names are like?
.
.
JACKSON
WILSON
MARKSON
ROBINSON
NICHOLSON
ANDERSON
DAVIDSON
JEMSON
JOHNSON
.
Brain Cancer
Doctor : Mr Bean, I am sorry to say that you have
brain cancer.
Mr Bean : Yes! (jumps in joy)
Doctor : Did you understand what I
just told you?
Mr Bean : Yes, Of course! Do you think
I am dumb?
Doctor : Then why are you so happy?
Mr Bean : Because that prove I have
a Brain....:-)
Joke Of The Day
"Joke Of The Day"
If Money even Grew on trees,
Girls would not Mind
Dating with
.
.
.
.
"MONKEYS"....:-(
English Funny Sms
Men are very kind
And Women are very Mean!
Proof...?
Most Women don't like
to help Unknown Men.
But
All Men are Ready to
Help Unknown Women...:-)
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Wednesday, 21 January 2015
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Determinative and Motivating Sentence
The Most Determinative and Motivating Sentence
Which should Always Be Followed In Life.
The RACE Is NOT OVER Because I Havent WON Yet.
Larkian tu marti Hongi
Dost: Nhi yaar papoo bachy ho tum larkian tu marti hongi
Me: Pata nahi kahan ja marti hain
Tuesday, 20 January 2015
Shadi Se Dar
Beta: Mujhe shadi nai kerne hai
mujh sab aurto se dar lagta hai
Baap: Ker le beta pir aik he aurat
se lage ga dar, baki sab ache lage ge ;)
Easy Load Kerwado
Sheikh to Shopkeeper: Bhai Sahib 1 rupee ka easy load ker de.
Shopkeeper: Gusse se !! 1 rupee ke load se kisi ko
call kerne ya message??
Sheikh: Kerna to kuch ni bs waise he urrane ke adat hai :P
Funny Sms
Teacher: Bacho Wada kro Kabhi Girls ki taraf nhi dekho gy
Bachey: Nhi dekhen gy
Teacher: Girls ka Picha nhi krogy
Bachey: Nhi krengy
Teacher: Girls se Love nhi krogy
Bache: Nhi krengy
Teacher: Or Watan pe Zindagi Qurban krogy
Bachy: Kr dengy Aisi Zindagi sy mar Jana hi behtar hai
JOKES
After picking her son up from school one day, the mother asks him what he did at school. The kid replies, "I had sex with my teacher." She gets so mad that when they get home, she orders him to go straight to his room. When the father returns home that evening, the mother angrily tells him the news of what their son had done. As the father hears the news, a huge grin spreads across his face. He walks to his son's room and asks him what happened at school, the son tells him, "I had sex with my teacher." The father tells the boy that he is so proud of him, and he is going to reward him with the bike he has been asking for. On the way to the store, the dad asks his son if he would like to ride his new bike home. His son responds, "No thanks Dad, my butt still hurts."
JOKES
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
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